Nobody likes to admit it. Once you have children, there is virtually no sex in the marriage… unless you want another baby.
When you were dating your husband, every night was ‘fo sho’ ending in sex. Oh yes, you KNEW you were getting some serious loving. Because of this, your “hair down there” would always be nicely shaved into a heart, legs silky and always wearing your sexiest underwear. We would even douche the morning of, so we could be fresh in preparation for the happy ending that awaited us. For the female, sex drive is actually more intense while dating – usually making the man feel like he hit the jack pot and quickly falling in love. But, what happens once we get married?
Well, marriage happens. We date, we get engaged, get married… then comes honeymoon bliss… But, the moment we’re back from fantasy land, we turn into a ticking clock. And it’s on baby time. Sex becomes a cold and calculated, “I’m ovulating and my parents are on their way so hurry up.” We are on one mission: baby-making.
Once the first baby pops out, we’re taking literally hundreds of pictures with our phone cams and falling so in love with our Little One… that our Big One becomes not so important.
That is, until we want baby number two!
And, then, there we go again, back to, “I’m ovulating but I have my tennis class at 10, so hurry up”. Once you get pregnant for the second time, the battle to stay married begins and dating becomes a beautiful memory… like something from a movie… unreal, almost.
Emotionally, the challenges that arise with the new additions affect both mommy and daddy. There is less tolerance and patience to go around and so we find we’re talking less to one another. You’re probably saying, “not me, I love having sex.” But, do you, really? I know I’m not alone on this. Anyway, “having sex” is one thing. “Fucking-the-shit” out of your husband is another.
Basically, if you find yourself ordering him to “pull out and hurry up – let’s leave the orgasm for next week”, or you tell him you’re “on your period” when you’re not, or you let him know he’s takes too long during the act… Or maybe you just flat-out don’t want to be with him… Then this article is for you.
HSDD, hypoactive sexual desire disorder, is ones of the most common sexual dysfunctions affecting women ages 18 all-the-way-to 60 and it’s usually exacerbated by having children. Multiple factors contribute to the emotional & physical stress of having kids, like “baby weight”, declining hormones, jobs, financial issues… even the loss of interest in your partner… This all begins to take its toll in the bedroom!
Unlike our men, who are horny practically 24/7 — until they’re affected by erectile dysfunction, which can be miraculously cured by literally popping a pill — women have a tough time dealing with this. So how do we fix it?
Turn the Lights On and Spice It Up!
The solution begins with recognizing that, for women, this problem of lower libido is caused by a combination of both mental and physical factors. Yes, some of the problem is in our heads and we can actually control this, in part, with a change of attitude and behavior along with positive habit-forming practices. In terms of the physical, if you have an few extra pounds from “baby weight”, don’t wait until you lose it to become more sexually active. It’s a process and it takes awhile. You’re not Kim Kardashian.
My very own nannie is a woman who elevates people. I asked her to tell me her secret for always being so happy, and she answered , “I turn the lights on when I make love to my husband. I embrace my body while making love” …
By turning the lights on, you’re embracing your body while re-awakening the horny little bitch in you. He definitely wants you and, when he actually gets to SEE you during sex, you’ll connect more deeply.
Try facing each other. Stare into each other’s eyes and fall in love all over again. Kill him with long sweet kisses, then slide down to the private parts and take care of business. The connection that once brought you two together, can be taken to a whole new level!
Maybe overpower him when he comes home from work every once in a while. Take him to the bedroom (or another room!) and turn on the lights. Deep down, men are really looking for love, acceptance and intimacy. With the lights on, you see each other as you are and have the opportunity to fully love and accept one another, making the reward of orgasm that much greater and easier to achieve.
And, remember that men – yes, even your husband – can get intimidated by that bitch in you. So, show him that you really want him. Make love in every room, even the baby’s room.
Schedule sex. Think about it – that hot sex you had when you were dating was technically “scheduled sex”, because you both knew you could count on it. Try Monday, Wed and Saturdays – and, if he brings you flowers and helps with the baby, give him a quickie against the kitchen counter as a bonus… Surprise him.
Try doggy style, spooning (you’re the spoon), 69, and invent new poses. These positions will strengthen your bond and re-awaken the love between you.
In summary, sex in marriage requires the same commitment as marriage itself. It also requires energy and crazy passion. Don’t let him go. If you keep it exciting in the bedroom and always tell him how much you love him, you’ll find your way back to those hot date nights of the past. Or maybe onwards to something even better. …Not to mention, having sex will keep you young and help you lose some of that baby weight…
By Esmie Gallemore – at my corner blog page
